Erik the Techno Viking’s Line Dancing Zumba Zombie Hunt.
“你不甜吗”
Liquid Courage
“Nǐ bù tián ma”
Layla barks, “What that heifer say?” Palimpsest Vellocet thinks to herself, I hate her! All them cute white men orbiting her ass like satellites.
You’re a little blue eyed cutie pie. Like Nikki T. and Elan had a love child. 你不可爱吗 能告诉我时间吗？Nǐ bù kě’ài ma néng gàosù wǒ shíjiān ma? I’m sorry. What time is it?” Judy’s acting all bashful to one of the guys I’ve been diggin’ all afternoon, He flips out his phone, says, “Four eighteen.”
Setting a giant vintage boombox on the floor and pressing play, The stereo says, “Our niggah gone. MJ. Thump Thump! Our niggah gone. M. J. Thump” Thump! Judy walks away saying, “So, I’m his Editor. I’m only in Detroit to prepare for Book Signing. I strongly suggest you examine his contract framework.
If you want to talk with him, you’ll need her permission.” Pointing at Miss Dehr Whyte sitting outside the space walk in the green house behind us.
Thump Thump!
Nodding at me she says, “Nice watch. Breitling Tourbillon. Right? Ms Vellocet represents his transactional dialogs. Money and image, you two have a lot in common.
The old man don’t fucks with money.
She smirks,“Let’s finish this business, then maybe you can treat us to dinner, where we can negotiate.
Time for GaySpace Coffee hour. Bye.”
He drops his head and heads to the bar.
She puts on her blackwatch periwinkle tartan headphones, says, 无论如何，你害怕真正的背面 Wúlùn rúhé, nǐ hàipà zhēnzhèng de bèimiàn.
Flips her D B. O. M. B. backpack and roller skates over her shoulders and starts walking toward us and the Bouncy Castle.
The rejected suitor joins the gathering at the bar, dressing themselves with expensive jewelry, gold chains and gems, stuffing coins in every pocket and pitching back thimble full shots of the house cocktail, Liquid Courage,
I’m saying, Girl, that’s the eighth guy Judy’s flipped off with the same line. One guy’s glasses, another one’s sneakers, one dude’s fountain pen. What’s wrong with her? They are all rich and cute.
Khamyla purrs, “They’re all so adorable, but too short for me. Toe to toe, nose in it. You know.” Layla whines, “That’s cause yo ass like a thousand feet tall. They all the right height for this ride. But they scared of all this booty over here.”
Our niggah gone. MJ. Thump Thump! Our niggah gone. M. J. Thump Thump!
Judy comes toward us shouting, “And, if you shoot my white boy, you’re out. No refunds.”
Mesmerized by the LED pulsing chromatophore tartan of Judy’s Princess Nebula Magic Hentai skirt, swishing and snapping in and out of view, the suits and name brands start zombie walking toward the dance floor. “One hissing, “That’s a lotta ass. Fuck it! Broh. I gotta take one for the team. Wha chi call eeh corp!
Thump Thump!
Thump Thump!
First I get this beautifully balanced blend of cologne, clean and manly man. Then from behind me I hear a big beautifully dumb, “Judy Woah! Ass so phat that you can see it from the front. You still make me wish I was the treasured pet of a middle aged, slightly autistic, uber articulate, unfiltered, monkish Black man, from a stereotypical abusive urban upper-working class single parent home of the late twentieth century. ‘Cause girl, I’d proposition, propose, pen poetry and ooh! You make me want to matter.” Shadow and scent crossed the floor and eclipsed Judy long before the tall, muscular, blonde Viking kneels to her eye and says, “Nice weapon.” Pointing the crossbow paint gun on her hip. “So you still kickin’ it with that poet brother from Foggy Bottom?”
The stereo says, “Our niggah gone. MJ. Thump Thump! Our niggah gone. M. J. Thump Thump!
Thump Thump!
Thump Thump!
One by one at first the young men at the bar in their conservative suits and designer fashions, begin wringing their hands, thumping their chests, grunting and gesturing like they are readying for combat.
Judy hugs him smiling, “I still live in Silver Springs. And, Saul, no. My new Sir lives here in Detroit. It’s for his own protection.
Thump Thump!
Our niggah gone. MJ. Thump Thump! Our niggah gone. M. J. Thump Thump!
Thump Thump!
Hilda, meet my coworkers, Layla, Vellocet and Khamyla Inxusa. Tolo Byous’ Emissary.”
Hilda stands, turns and bows to greet Khamyla’s breasts. He stumbles back half a step.“ “Hello. Pardon me.” He stands up straight. Woah, she’s normal height.”They make eye contact, she smiles. “And forgive me for being so forward, but you’re inspiringly beautiful. I’m Hilda Damocloid, an old schoolmate of Wu Juan Mahn Lung. I mean Judy’s.
Khamyla Inxusa, I’ve read about you.” Layla clears her throat, Hilda steps back, bows to their eye level and says, “Good to meet you also. I two have a vested interest in Judy’s editing skills. Unfortunately being from the last family of Northmen on Earth is not all that newsworthy.”
One roars Solitaires and Shiny things, Inc. Dewy Cheatam and Howe Technologies, Anothers growl out their corporate god’s name and start moving in the direction of the women.
Khamyla says, “Yeah, I know your big sexy yellow braid wearing ass. You’re Erik, the Dancing Viking.
Vellocet purrs, “Fuck an Alienbabasaur. Can I climb all over your Thor of Asgard lookin’ ass, niggah!”
Layal Purrs, “You can clean my bouncy castle anytime.”
The stereo says, “Thump Thump!
Thump Thump!
Our niggah gone. MJ. Thump Thump!
Thump Thump! Our niggah gone. M. J. Thump Thump!
Thump Thump!
The blonde giant in only deerskin loincloth, feathers and jewelry smiles, “My friends call me Hilda, please. I’m one of the instructors hired for the Funk Parade. I’m here to get these wanna be white boys in shape.
Hilda barks, “Judy, ætti ég að segja þeim eftir viðskiptin. Ég gæti verið til í nótt af ódýru tilgangslausu kynlífi?
Khamyla, if you ain’t busy for the next seven years…
…Would you be interested in negotiating terms for dialogue?” He bows to Khamyla again saying, “Unozakuzaku, ndicela uxolo, kodwa andinakukunika ngaphantsi kokuzinikela kwam ebomini.”
She giggles, “Niggah stop! Hættu! Við skulum hanga og tala um eftir að þetta er allt búið, að fara frá tá til tá og nef í nef í nokkrar helgar.”
Judy says, “What you say? Nevermind. I understood you both. Wow.” Walks out the door sighing, “Dude. I can’t unhear y’all. So, blunt.
Hilda, do your thing.”
The dance floor is flooded with dozens of mildly intoxicated and euphoric, painfully engorged erections, well dressed corporate types and pop culture fashion icons heavily ladened with gold and money.
The announcer comes over the PA.
Welcome to Bacchanal Night at Strawberry Funk’s Bouncy Castle
Round one Miss Ann’s Line dancing Zumba Zombie Hunt.
Brought to you by GaySpace Coffee, little NIGs’ all new Me Me Vision broadcast dressing mirror. and the Murder of Exes, makers of Liquid Courage, malted energy drink.
Tonight’s line dancing instructor, Erik the Techno Viking and Tonight’s dance. The Runaway Thriller.
The stereo in the middle of the dancefloor says, “Our niggah gone. MJ. Thump Thump! Our niggah gone. M. J. Thump Thump!
The announcer shouts, “Okay ladies, you know the rules.
You know the point value system
Each Zumba zombie has icky sticky zombie goo on their paws, color coded paint markers on their hands.
CYOA, guard the Punani, don’t let them touch yo hur, and above all Protect the Bouncy Castle!
Shoot any zombie that can’t keep time and fucks up the line. And when the dancing’s done, Watch Out! The zombies attack.
Any zombie making it past yo ass and to the goal keeps all the gold and riches they can push, pull or carry across the finish line.
And wins a fifteen minute Pitch Proposal with the incorrigible Mister Periwinkle Bubbles and the Murder of Exes.
Huntresses, you have specially color coded paintball darts. We know who scores on both sides.
The hunter with the most points wins THE BIG BOOTY! Valued at over a Gigatonne of imagINed nation Glitter.
Current Exchange Rate $15.4710 USD to 1 sprinkle of glitter.
If one of them damnable Putti Cherub Zumba Zombies gets his hands on you. You gotsa give up some booty.
And remember Huntresses. Don’t shoot the dance instructor or you’re out. And you lose your Ten Shittonne’s of Glitter stake. No refunds.
Our niggah gone. MJ. Thump Thump! Our niggah gone. M. J. Thump Thump! Thump Thump!
“Okay Gurls, have fun.” Judy kisses Erik on the belly, smacks his butt, turns and fires a single paintball into the crowd. It finds the forehead of the last man she spoke to. He screams in pain then yells. Bitch! That hurts. I’m gonna”
Announcer says, “#faf0e6. You’ve been sacrificed. You’re out.”
The rest quickly put on their mascot costume heads.
Erik yells, “Attack pattern Galaga. Move!”
We start picking off Zombies, dripping in gold and jewels and wearing high school and college mascot heads as they stumble to take formation.
Next time I’m in the club, everybody screamin’ out
Our niggah gone.
Next time I’m in the club, everybody screamin’ out
So you can let your body talk, just watch where you walk or your life you’re gonna lose
In other words, I’ll walk you ’til
Our niggah gone. Thump Thump! Our niggah gone. M. J. Thump
Next time I’m in the club, everybody screamin’ out
Yo let—let—let me ask you a question yo Yo, would you kill for me? Hmmm, yeah
What took you so long to answer motherfucker?
I don’t know The fuck wrong with you bitch? When I met you I admit my first thoughts was to trick
You look so good huh,
Our niggah gone. Thump Thump! Our niggah gone. M. J. Thump Thump! Thump Thump!
Next time I’m in the club, everybody screamin’ out
My spirit is growing seven by seven
Faster than the speed of light
Cause light only penetrates the darkness that’s already there
And I’m already there
I’m here at the end of the road
Which is the beginning of the road beyond time, but
Our niggah gone. Thump Thump! Our niggah gone. M. J. Thump Thump! Thump Thump!
Next time I’m in the club, everybody screamin’ out
“You will begin to touch heaven, Jonathan, in the moment that you touch perfect speed. And that isn’t flying a thousand miles an hour, or a million, or flying at the speed of light. Because any number is a limit, and perfection doesn’t have limits. Perfect speed, my son, is being there.”
Huh Ouch Ouch Oh shit. That. Ouch What the Pho? Ouch! Ouch! BeyOuch! Pho King Ouch! Huh Ouch Ouch Oh shit. That. Ouch What the Pho? Ouch! Ouch! BeyOuch! Pho King Ouch! BeyOuch! Pho King Ouch! Huh Ouch Ouch Oh shit. That. Ouch What the Pho? Ouch! Ouch! BeyOuch! Pho King
Level 1 Cleared
Zero Zombies
Check booty weight.
